I am so sorry...

To Ianto,
I am sorry, my baby. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep you safe to meet me properly. I'm sorry that I get easily distracted when I visit your grave. I'm sorry I sometimes feel like the baby (babies?) I'm carrying will replace you. Nothing and no-one will truly replace you, I promise. I just hope they'll help heal my heart a little from the hurt of losing you.
 
 6w0d

A photographic letter

To The Twins,

This is what your wardrobe looks like right now. All of these clothes were originally bought for your big brother.

This is your cot, where you'll sleep during the day. At night, you'll be in with your daddy and me.

And this is me pregnant with you. Five weeks down, thirty-five to go, babies!

5w4d

People are starting to find out

Dear Twins,
I'm sorry I have to lie about you right now. It's still very early days, so telling people in "real life" isn't really an option. Your nan and pa know, and your uncles. Your nan-nan knows, and she's given us lots of stuff for you - a lot of it stuff that was meant to be for Ianto.

I've put up your cot, even though you won't be sleeping in it very often. Only for your day sleeps. At night time you'll be in with us, with me holding you tightly and safely. I'll do whatever I can to keep you safe.

 
 5w0d

You're there!

To The Twins,
You're there! You really are in my belly and not a figment of my imagination! Ohh, I'm so excited now, babies. I will admit, I was scared. The test I did on Monday was definitely a positive, but with the ones on Wednesday I wasn't so sure. Luckily we went to the doctor on Thursday, they did a blood test, and it was very much a positive! Woo hoo!
The doctor looked scared when we walked in for the results. Given daddy and I look younger than we are, that's understandable. Not even people our age want babies sometimes, let alone those younger than us. It's just not expected.
I want to go tell your big brother about you today. Hopefully my usual afternoon nap doesn't go too long...

4w5d

To my babies...

Hello my little ones. I've started this blog so I can write letters to all of you without disturbing the main gist of my other blog (that one's for you and me only, Ianto)
To Ianto,
Guess what? You're going to be a big brother! You have to promise to look after your younger brothers and sisters, okay? Make sure they behave for mummy and daddy, and that they don't get in any trouble. Whisper lullabies to them when mummy can't, and play with them when daddy's too busy. Be a good big brother to them.
To the Twins,
Actually, I'm not even sure you are twins. I just really hope you are. I hope you enjoy your stay inside my tummy, so much that you're born right on time, healthy and happy. Your big brother will be there for you when you're sad and mummy can't comfort you. Right now, you're starting to set up house in my tummy and making me feel a little bit sick. This is more than your brother gave me, and you're younger now than he was when I found out I was pregnant with him. Mummy and Daddy love you so much. And we promise you'll have an awesome nickname soon.

4w4d