Cuteness

To Cookie,

You're so cute! I mean, of course we knew you would be, but your ultrasound on Monday (23w) gave us the most gorgeous in-utero picture I've ever seen:

My friend Lily, who will be helping you into the world, said that this is a definite "girl smile."

You seemed quite intent on playing with your umbilical cord as well, which was fun to watch. But not so much when the ultrasound lady needed you to stay still a moment while she checked the blood flow in and out of it. She had to get someone else to come and check it as well, because every now and then there was an extra thud, or it would skip one. Nothing to worry about though, thankfully.

The cyst in your brain has disappeared though! It's completely gone. I wasn't worried too much about it, but I'mstill very glad to be rid of it. The doctor said it could have just been that one of the veins in your brain grew a little faster than the ones around it, so now it's slowed down to catch up. All good.

23w 3d

The photos!

To Ianto,

The last of the photos of you arrived today. They were taken at your funeral. I'm in utter shock, looking at them, remembering how beautiful you were. How tiny your coffin was. It looks like a tissue box! Your tiny little hands and feet, so gorgeous.

Your gorgeous little hands, with your wristband

The sign that greeted everyone as they walked in

You could almost be yawning here...

My new favourite photo, look how cute your feet were...

22w4d

 

Stop scaring us.

To Cookie,
Ooh, you're a naughty little one, aren't you? Enjoying scaring mummy? It's not nice at all! At my appointment the other day, when the doctor couldn't find your heartbeat, daddy was almost crying. That's very mean. I knew you were okay, having felt you move a few minutes earlier, but your daddy was really scared! And on Saturday you didn't move at all until I got scared enough to tell him - then you kicked me really hard! Don't do that to us, bubba. It's not a nice feeling.

22w2d

 

First me, then Daddy, then your uncle... who next?

To Cookie,
Your uncle Gavin felt you kick last night! I knew you would be kicking if I stayed still enough, so I had a big cup of icy water and lay down on the couch to start you off. I made sure you were kicking hard enough to be kicking from the outside before I asked if he and Uncle Brent wanted to feel. He said it was a really weird feeling, like a mouse or rat ticking his fingers (he only felt a light one) - I reminded him he did that once, and I remember him kicking. But he absolutely stumped me when he asked "why do babies kick?"... My face looked a bit like this, because I had no idea whatsoever:

So that's me, Daddy, and Uncle Gav who have felt you kick now. I think we might have to try your Nan next, she'd love it. After that, your Pa, because I know how scared he's been for you (he feels so much more than he lets on, that man - keep that in mind!)
My hospital appointment next week can't come any faster. Yes, we're finally booked into a hospital where you'll be born! I know I was gunning for a home birth, or a birth centre, but they're both out of reach for different reasons. I didn't want to go back to the hospital I had Ianto - they didn't give me the care I needed at any point - so we're going to the Royal Womens Hospital. I was born in the old building, and so was Uncle Gav. I've never been in the new one, hopefully it's as great as I hear.
I've started the self-hypnosis classes that I'll be at least attempting to use during your birth. No pain killers for me, thank you very much. The human body evolved to make and birth babies without that stuff. Yes, I know I used gas - and thought I was on morphine - when I gave birth to your brother, but that was more for the emotional stuff than the actual birth. You'll be working with me to bring you "earthside" rather than me doing all the work, too. I want it to be as close to perfect as possible for both of us.

21w1d

Halfway there!

To Cookie,
Congratulations on getting to twenty weeks gestation, little one! Even though I know I shouldn't, I'm feeling a little safer now. You're moving a lot more regularly, and now we're halfway to your due date... It's just such a happy feeling! I know Daddy isn't at his "safe point" yet - that's at 32 weeks and one day - but he's happy to see me happy too. Now let's just work on getting you to an even safer point so we can meet you!

20w1d